Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Tsunami warning for Lake Anna

The Mount Chipotle National Research Observatory Division of Geosciences has issued a tsunami warning for Lake Anna after this afternoon's earthquake. Emergency Management officials are monitoring and preparing the North Anna Nuclear Reactor for potential wave damage. Earlier this year the Fukushima nuclear power station in Japan released radioactive material to the environment after being damaged by an earthquake and subsequent tsunami.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Report: Anomalous features spotted after recent geologic activity

The staff of the Mount Chipotle National Research Observatory has recently learned of reports of anomalous topographical features spotted immediately after recent geologic activity. We are currently preparing a statement and have no comment until it is released.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

CHIPOTLE Mount Chipotle, 18 weeks, was trucked away April 27, 2010. Mt. Chipotle was born in Charlottesville, VA and was assembled in Barracks Road Shopping Center through February, 2010. Mt. Chipotle extended from Chipotle Mexican Grill toward Bed Bath Beyond, Harris Teeter, and Burger King. Mt. Chipotle was the sole study of the Mount Chipotle National Research Observatory. Mt. Chipotle is preceded in melt by its loving mounts Mount Banana and Mount Kroger. It will be remembered as a towering force, not to be trespassed upon, a skiing range, member of the Masonic Lodge, an unsummitable mountain, and a looming peak. It is survived by its puddle, mud rings, and many wrappers, receipts, and combs. The Graduate Student Association of the Department of Environmental Sciences will receive friends and families on Thursday, April 29, 2010 from 4-7pm at the memorial service in the Odum Room. In lieu of flowers, please follow through with your contributions and wagers to GSA ($10 wager, 12-pack of beer, or bottle of wine per date). Arrangements entrusted to GSA/EVSC, 291 McCormick Rd., Charlottesville, VA 22904. Condolences and congratulations may be shared with the melting pool winner Department Chair and Professor Pat Wiberg.

Monday, March 22, 2010

State of Mt. Chipotle

MARCH 19, 2010 MT. CHIPOTLE STATUS REPORT

GENERAL CONDITION: STABLE, DIRTIER
OLD TRAILER: ABSENT
HEAVY MACHINERY: PRESENT
YETI: PRESENT, UNSEEN, REMAINS MAY BE EMBEDDED IN SIDE OF MTN.
CAR AT THE CENTER: UNSURE, RUMORS GROWING
CURRENT HEIGHT: 8.4M (26.9FT)
RATE OF MELT: 0.59CM/DAY (2.32INCHES/DAY)
HEIGHT OF ADJACENT LIGHT POLE 10.5M (34.4FT)

ADDITIONAL NOTES: SURPRISING PRESENCE OF VIDEOGRAPHERS IN CARS AND ROGUE RESEARCHERS LOOKING TO DISRUPT INTERVIEWS

-DR. ZORDERS

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

State of Mt. Chipotle

MARCH 8 2010 MT. CHIPOTLE STATUS REPORT

GENERAL CONDITION: STABLE, DIRTY
OLD TRAILER: PRESENT
HEAVY MACHINERY: ABSENT
YETI: PRESENT, UNSEEN
CURRENT HEIGHT: 8.4M (27.55FT)
HEIGHT OF ADJACENT LIGHT POLE 10.5M (34.4FT)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Mt.C-NRO - Meltdown

Mt. Chipotle researchers, sponsoring agencies, aficionados, et al.,

Clearly, we have been busy monitoring the great mass that is Mt. Chipotle. During the last few weeks of "radio silence" some startling news and misconceptions regarding our dear Mount have been brought to our attention. We at the NRO ask that you allow us to disabuse you of some of these (clearly) uneducated and false thoughts so that we may all be able to view both the Mount and our research with the magnificence and scope deserved.

Statement 1) Mt. Chipotle is gone.
Response: Mt. Chipotle is not gone. It was visible from both the Rte. 29 and from Space today 10.03.04. Next statement.

Statement 2) Mt. Chipotle can be pronounced "Mount Chih-po'-lay" or "Mount Chih-poat'-ah-lay"
Response: While both pronunciations have caught on among the news media and moms all across this great land, the Mount Chipotle Heritage Foundation only recognizes the one true pronunciation: "Mount Chih'-poat-lay".

Statement 3) Mt. Chipotle is under threat of Snow Dragon attack.
Response: Sadly, this is true. The support for mountain top removal has spread into the once protected snow mountain ranges of the Mid-Atlantic. With the ever-loosening guidelines surrounding snow Mount removal, the threat level for Mt. Chipotle remains at CRIMSON. For those unfamiliar with the scale, it is a 58 tiered threat system, with CRIMSON sitting at position 39. The last time that the treat level was this high was when NRO researcher Savanna Barry dropped 0.32mL of hot sauce from her Carnitas burrito onto the newly-formed mountain. Stay tuned for further details.

Statement 4) Dr. Steve Chanimal Chaneaux won the Mt. Chipotle Meltdown Pool
Response: Laughably, no. Not even close.

We hope that we were able to clear up any rumors and misconceptions that have been surrounding this great and noble mount. Please be sure to continue to to follow our progress right here. We hope to have another post coming to you in the near future as the meltdown progresses.

-Dr. Zorders

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Transparency on the N.R.O.'s sources of funding

Recently the N.R.O. received a request for transparency on its sources of funding. It has been reported that the N.R.O. exists because of an informal betting pool (1). While this represents our institution's endowment, most of the operating and research budgets are funded by grants from the National Science Foundation, the Office of Naval Research (3), and the Department of Energy (3).

We are using legal metaphysics (4) to judge when Mt. Chipotle has melted for our development office's funraising efforts. In his opinion for Jacobellis v. Ohio the late Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart wrote "...I know it when I see it..." This is the doctrine that we operate by. Both the Constitution (5,6) and the Supreme Court (7,8, 9) are infallible institutions. If the approach of Jacobellis v. Ohio is good enough for them, then it is good enough for Mt. Chipotle.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Mount Chipotle 16 February 2010

The view of the backside (1) of Mt. Chipotle on 16 February 2010 as seen by the N.R.O. (2) staff.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Sampling on Mount Chipotle

The N.R.O. administration is pleased to release a brief video from a recent trip on Mount Chipotle. N.R.O. staff make trips up the mountain daily in order to insure a continuous stream of high quality (1) scientific data. We hope to release more videos and photographs of our work on the mountain in order to foster a better understanding of environmental science in our community.

video

Mount Chipotle Avalanche Danger 15 February 2010

Carnitas Ravine has LOW. Natural avalanches are very unlikely and human triggered avalanches are unlikely except in isolated pockets. Normal caution is advised.

Barbacoa Ravine has LOW avalanche danger. Natural avalanches are unlikely although human triggered avalanches are possible. Unstable slabs are possible in steep terrain. Normal caution is advised.

As the Ravines warm up during spring there is an increased danger of random (1) ice falls. Ice fall danger is currently low and normal caution (2) is advised. However, guides should take this into consideration when planning routes for their spring clients.

Call for Papers: Mt. Chipotle Research Letters, a new interdisciplinary peer reviewed journal

CALL FOR PAPERS

Mount Chipotle Research Letters (MCRL) invites you to submit manuscripts for publication. MCRL is a new interdisciplinary journal from the Mount Chipotle National Research Observatory and Springer (1) Publishing. MCRL focuses on rapid (2) publication of high quality research on all aspects of the Mount Chipotle region.

Editorial Board:

Editor in Chief: Dr. K. Ho, Senior Scientist, Mt. Chipotle National Research Observatory

Associate Editor: Dr. Zorders, Senior Scientist, Mt. Chipotle National Research Observatory

Associate Editor: Dr. John Frum, President, Pacific Cargo Industries Inc.

How to submit:

Manuscripts should be original, previously unpublished, in English, and between 1 paragraph and three pages in length. Submission implies that the manuscript has not been submitted for publication elsewhere and that it will not be submitted elsewhere while the review process is underway. All submissions will be reviewed according to the Journal's standard single-blind peer review process. Papers should be submitted electronically to one of the editors at mountchipotle (at) gmail (dot) com

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Official N.R.O. Response to Recent Criticisms

The N.R.O. generally does not comment on public criticisms of its work. We feel that the quality of our science (1) speaks for itself. However, due to a delayed flight, we have decided to respond to two recent criticisms.

Below is a criticism by Chicago Boy. (Editors Note: We would like to thank The Hook (2) for the shout-out).



We thank Chicago Boy for his interest in our work. Unfortunately we are unable to verify his claim that we are stupid. As PhD students at a prestigious university we have been too busy publishing papers to consider that we may be stupid. This is a valid hypothesis that deserves further investigation.

We are flattered that Chicago Boy compares us to the Onion. Unfortunately I (the senior author) don't read the Onion. Thus Chicago Boy is mistaken if he is suggesting that we are imitating their material. A number of our collaborators are at UW-Madison. We will ask these collaborators for reprints of the Onion's papers in order to review them in ongoing efforts to improve our own work. We agree with Chicago Boy that we are "junior league." Unlike the Onion, a multi-state for-profit news organization (3), we are a non-profit research organization with no full time educational outreach staff. It is not clear what Chicago Boy's motives are. It is clear that his criticisms are misguided; he tries to compare institutions with contrasting missions.

The below comment is by Jim (4)(Editors Note: Thanks again Daily Progress).



We are unsure why children climbing on Mount Chipotle has a negative connotation. The literature has shown that most American children (5) are not athletic enough to scale Mount Chipotle. Coincidentally the literature has shown that most American adults (6) are not athletic enough to scale Mount Chipotle. Those children who are physically capable of scaling the mountain should be rewarded by being allowed to take in the majestic view from the summit.

(Editors Note: We applaud the athletic prowess of the mountaineers from William Monroe High School. Do you like science? Can you take some samples for us next time you're up there?)

Dance Troupe to Perform at Mount Chipotle Regional Library

The Palo Alto dance (1) troupe "Hysteresis!" will be performing at the Mount Chipotle Regional library at 7 pm on Monday, February 15th. The show aims to interpret the native heritage of the Mount Chipotle region through modern dance. Tickets cost $15 at the door.

"We show the tension between multiple attractors that the native society experienced when the Europeans arrived in the Mount Chipotle Valley. The native populations had to chose between their peaceful, mathematically enlightened society or enslavement and eventual death by smallpox (2). The natives stuck with tradition for years until continued exotic disease outbreaks reduced their resliance leading to a rapid change in the structure of their society (3)" troupe leader Jon Frum said. "Our dance shows the struggle of the Native people rebuild their great society, a struggle that removing the European influence alone couldn't solve."

The troupe spent months rehearsing their routine. "It's difficult to simulate (4) this complex story" Frum said. "There isn't necessarily an explicit solution."

All proceeds from the show will benefit the Mount Chipotle National Research Observatory's educational outreach program.

Mt. Chipotle is scenic backdrop for new commercial

The northern face of Mt. Chioptle will be closed for the next two days while it is being used as a scenic backdrop with rugged terrain to film a commercial featuring Fjord's new model of pickup truck, the J-150. Film crews will be escorted to the site of the commercial by snowcats and a professional driver will navigate the J-150 through a course from the north face through Barbacoa Ravine, which tourists have claimed is one of the most scenic vistas in the region. Pictured here is the truck being transported up the mountain.